


"I Am Saved By The Fact That You Existed"

by icefeathxr



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Death, M/M, Mentions of Cancer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:40:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21691081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icefeathxr/pseuds/icefeathxr
Summary: Backstory to my Denmark/Mathias Køhler
Kudos: 1





	"I Am Saved By The Fact That You Existed"

The city lights drifted into the room. All dark, with highlights of neon signs and streaks of rain. Mathias staired at the ceiling, the fan ever turning. Sleep didn't come to him as it doesn't on most nights. So, he staired blankly, replaying his past like an old movie- slowly kneeling down to blow the dust off the VHS tape, hoping the film hasn't worn out.

He breathes in, taking in that long forgotten scent. He closes his eyes and imagines his dead lovers staring back at him, brilliantly green.

"Good morning sleepyhead." The other man spoke while the haze of sleep faded from the Danes eyes.

"Mornin' allerkæreste." He smiled from below him. 

The morning sun cascading in, obstructed by the knitted curtains casting shapes onto the bed.

"How are you feeling min elskede?"

"As good as I probably can be. I felt cold so I put your sweater on while you slept."

"You look better in it than I ever will."

Mathias analysed his face, expecting something to change. His lovers cheekbones jutted out, his features frail and telling, but his lips remained, by the mercy of any god, pink. 

The Dane carefully raised his hands to grasp the others face and pulled him to his lips.

He saw him laying lifelessly on the couch, arm splayed to the open edge while an IV put chemicals into his blood. He laid there, breathing heavy with pain, as Mathias sat beside him holding his hand. Kissing his boney knuckles.

"Ya know..." The man laboured every word he spoke. "You used to talk a lot more..."

"I don't ever want to speak over you on accident."

"Your words... have led a nation for far longer... than I could ever conceive of. I like hearing them."

"..."

"Mine will be long forgotten. Just a blip on this earth."

"I don't think I could forget them even if I tried. They will echo through the halls, they will whisper my name."

The other man smiled with all his mustered strength. Mathias's heart stilled to watch.

"Can... you read me a story?"

"Of course min kære. Which one would you like today?"

"Thumbelina."

He always chose Thumbelina.

Mathias let go of his others hand and moved to walk to the bookshelf, picking up the weathered book. He sat down again, right beside his partner.

"There once was a woman who wanted so very much to have a tiny little child..."

Mathias patiently read on, making voices for the characters and pausing to kiss his listeners hand.

"Mathias... why are you out so late...?"

The Dane didn't reply, only starred at the night sky while the world kept spinning. The other man moved to sit with him, shuffling his heavy feet slowly. He cuddled up close to him and put his head on Mathias's shoulder.

"'Everything we do is motivated by death'. You told me that when we first met... remember?"

"I do."

"You have seen such horrors. So many memories that will never leave your head. I understood what motivated your gruesome actions back then... I do not fault you. I love you."

"Jeg elsker dig min skat."

"Will I ever leave your head?"

"You've made too much of an impression."

"What motivates you now?"

"Love."

"What will motivate you when I'm gone?"

"...love."

The other man laughs constantly, lowly wheezing.

"I guess I have made an impression."

After another session of chemotherapy, the couple was sitting on blankets in the living room. Twilight was creeping in along the horizon. The two were drinking tea and eating pastries.

"Mathias, do you believe in Valhalla?"

"I do."

"Do you think I'll go there when I die?"

"Every man who dies in battle goes to Valhalla."

"Do you think Oðin will be angry at me that I don't like mead?"

"I think he'll make an exception for you. I'll ask them to have your favourite tea, made just the way you like it."

"What happens when I run out?"

"Then I will bring you more, like I always do."

Their cat walked over to them and curled up in front of their feet. The others in the bedroom.

"You always had a habit of taking in strays."

Mathias poured himself a beer and brought it out with his partners tea to the garden. It was too hot to sleep.

"You look sad."

"I'm just tired." Mathias sipped on his beer after he spoke.

"What horrors must haunt a house this old."

Dawn glimmered over the sky, ribbons of red and orange intertwining. The waves lapped over the shore. Mathias was preparing his lovers funeral ship, packed with hundreds of tea leaves and tokens of their love. He lay on it, arms to cover his heart. A picture of them together lay beneath. His face was frail, cheekbones jutted out. His lips were no longer pink. Mathias gently moves his hands to hold his lovers face, and kisses him one last time.

He unhooks the ship from its tether and pushes it off to sea.

He draws the flaming arrow, and sends his lover to Valhalla.

"Goodbye, min elsker, enjoy the great hall."

His eyes blurred, tears streaming down his face. He clutched his heart. He could feel him there- face against his arm, breathing softly.


End file.
